The Side Affects of Parenting*

Today the school holidays started, hooray! Nineteen days of full time parenting my four year old including Christmas, which should also be known as “national hyperactive child day“. In fact the whole week leading up to the big day is just crazy, I remember my mum actually losing her voice during Christmas when I was a kid due to constantly shouting at my sister and I! Yes being a parent is wonderful and rewarding, I feel blessed every single day, but there is no denying that it’s hard work! Especially at this time of year.

Next month Little Miss turns 5. It feels so much bigger than 4. I have vivid memories from my childhood from 5 onwards which is how I know it’ll be pivotal time in growing up for her. I still can’t believe I’ve managed to raise a child on my own for the past 5 years. My life has changed completely to how it was prior to LM. I’ve changed, my friendships have changed, my job, my looks, my personality.. everything. And although some things have changed for the better, not everything has which is why today i’m going to share what in my opinions are some of the “side affects of parenting“;

Nervous and Stress Related Habits
You think keeping yourself alive is hard work? Try being responsible for another tiny life! I’ve always been quite a nervous person and since I was a child I’ve struggled with dermatillomania, the compulsion to pick skin and this has gotten so much worse in the last 5 years since I became a parent. Some days everything is out of my control so I pick any skin that doesn’t appear perfect in an attempt to fix it. Similarly, I know parents who struggle with trichotillomania, the compulsion to pull their hair out, and the stress of being a parent has made this so much worse. Thankfully there are now clinics that offer Advanced Tricho Pigmentation treatment that will help boost the confidence of anyone who is severely affected by this. Unfortunately there isn’t anything to help with my dermatillomania short of plasters, so I guess I’ll stick with that during those particularly stressful periods.

Loss of Privacy
When Little Miss started becoming more aware I started struggling with losing my privacy. I’m not someone who can take a bath with their child, or let them see me naked. I can’t go to the bathroom with the door shut. But whether I like it or not, my right to privacy is something I lost when I became a parent. I can’t stop my four year old walking in when I’m changing. I can’t lock the door while I take a bath or shower in case of an emergency. Although I’ve tried to teach my daughter that bathroom stuff is private there are still times when I need to have her in the bathroom with me while we’re out or we are sharing a room on holiday so she watches me change. Although I struggle with the conversations of differences in body or even about bodily functions I know as a parent I need to talk to my child about them and I won’t lie, I find it really hard!

Loss of Friendships
Prior to having Little Miss I had a lot of strong friendships, sadly as I was the first to have a baby in one group of my friends they all fell away to the sidelines and I was alone. I was thankful my best friend had children so we weren’t affected although it did make it harder for me to see her once I moved back to my hometown as I was no longer flexible. But my other friends all seemed to disappear. Some not completely but we did have less contact. I could no longer go for nights out without months of notice. I couldn’t drink much. I couldn’t come veg at their house for hours on end. Every decision about my social life was made around my daughter. A lot of people couldn’t handle it so found other people to spend time with. Even now I can count my old friends on one hand, the ones from pre-Little Miss who stuck around. I’ve managed to make new “mummy” friends but sadly they’re all in Florida. As of yet aside from my best friend, I have no other mummy friends mainly due to the fact I struggle to make friends. It’s sad but I know I’m not the only one. As amazing as parenting is, it can also be very isolating.

I’m sure everyone has their own “side affects” of having a child, some are worse than others to different people but these three to me are the worst. The feeling lonely, the loss of privacy and the fact I feel the need to deface my skin on a regular basis. But you know what? They’re worth living with to have a beautiful healthy daughter that I’m proud to be raising all on my own!